âšī¸ Past seasons are tracked by TEAM NAME. Owner history before 2026 isn't confirmed yet, so pre-2026 trophies belong to the franchise name.
2026 Draft Recap
Sep 8, 2026 8pm
Snake, 17 rounds, 90s/pick, 10 teams. Round 1 first pick: Jahmyr Gibbs to Who Gibbs a Sh**. Of course.
Draft Day Roasts
Dr Crack
The commish took Ja'Marr Chase at 3, then Derrick Henry (age: yes), Brock Bowers and Jalen Hurts â a roster built to win in 2023. Leads the league in points against at 902.76, which he insists is a scheduling conspiracy he personally set up. Even dropped Tyler Allgeier just so AHNM could pick him up. Three rings, zero chill.
I Want Sprinkles
Ben grabbed James Cook at 10 and Chase Brown at 11, then Joe Burrow, Mike Evans (now a 49er, somehow) and Malik Willis as 'QB insurance.' Still the only franchise named after a dessert topping, and the roster is about as filling.
Kardiac Kids
Sam took Bijan at 2, then McBride, Jeanty and Bo Nix â and then made exactly ONE acquisition all year. Set it and forget it. The heart attacks are coming from the fan base watching him refuse to touch the waiver wire.
All Hits No Misses
Doug took JSN, Kenneth Walker, Malik Nabers and Drake Maye, then lived on the waiver wire: 32 acquisitions and counting. Leads the league in points for. Phone battery: 2%. ESPN's push notifications have filed a restraining order.
One Nut McGee
Colin went Jonathan Taylor, CeeDee Lamb, Jeremiyah Love and Jayden Daniels, then put up 63.36 in Week 5 â the low score of the year. An original since 2012, still searching for the other one.
Norwich87
K opened with Josh Allen at 5 overall, a QB in Round 1 like it's 2009, then doubled down with Patrick Mahomes in Round 8. Two QBs, one lineup slot, 1-5 record. Kickers Cam Little AND Ka'imi Fairbairn for good measure.
I Swear To Goedert
Cody took CMC at 9, Saquon at 12, then drafted Dallas Goedert himself in Round 8 because the team name demanded it. 5-1 and in first place, which nobody in this league will forgive.
Windy City Gridiron
Matt took Amon-Ra, Omarion Hampton and Lamar, then Travis Kelce in Round 10 to collect the Taylor Swift tax. Jared Goff as backup QB, Chicago-themed name, roster suspiciously full of Lions. Pick a side, Matt.
A Swift kick in the A**
Chris grabbed Puka at 4 and Justin Jefferson in Round 2, then hung 202.48 on Goedert in Week 5, the league high score of the year. Seven IR moves, Caleb Williams under center, and a team name that doubles as a scouting report.
Who Gibbs a Sh**
Kyle took Jahmyr Gibbs number one overall because the team name left no choice, then added A.J. Brown, Nico Collins, Kyle Pitts and Sam LaPorta. Two tight ends, both of them coin flips. Who Gibbs a sh**? Kyle does, deeply.
Full Draft Board
| R1 | 1. Jahmyr Gibbs DET RB Who Gibbs a Sh** | 2. Bijan Robinson ATL RB Kardiac Kids | 3. Ja'Marr Chase CIN WR Dr Crack | 4. Puka Nacua LAR WR A Swift kick in the A** | 5. Josh Allen BUF QB Norwich87 | 6. Jonathan Taylor IND RB One Nut McGee | 7. Amon-Ra St. Brown DET WR Windy City Gridiron | 8. Jaxon Smith-Njigba SEA WR All Hits No Misses | 9. Christian McCaffrey SF RB I Swear To Goedert | 10. James Cook III BUF RB I Want Sprinkles |
| R2 | 11. Chase Brown CIN RB I Want Sprinkles | 12. Saquon Barkley PHI RB I Swear To Goedert | 13. Kenneth Walker III KC RB All Hits No Misses | 14. Omarion Hampton LAC RB Windy City Gridiron | 15. CeeDee Lamb DAL WR One Nut McGee | 16. De'Von Achane MIA RB Norwich87 | 17. Justin Jefferson MIN WR A Swift kick in the A** | 18. Derrick Henry BAL RB Dr Crack | 19. Ashton Jeanty LV RB Kardiac Kids | 20. A.J. Brown NE WR Who Gibbs a Sh** |
| R3 | 21. Nico Collins HOU WR Who Gibbs a Sh** | 22. Trey McBride ARI TE Kardiac Kids | 23. Brock Bowers LV TE Dr Crack | 24. Javonte Williams DAL RB A Swift kick in the A** | 25. Drake London ATL WR Norwich87 | 26. Jeremiyah Love ARI RB One Nut McGee | 27. DeVonta Smith PHI WR Windy City Gridiron | 28. George Pickens DAL WR All Hits No Misses | 29. Chris Olave NO WR I Swear To Goedert | 30. Garrett Wilson NYJ WR I Want Sprinkles |
| R4 | 31. Breece Hall NYJ RB I Want Sprinkles | 32. Kyren Williams LAR RB I Swear To Goedert | 33. Malik Nabers NYG WR All Hits No Misses | 34. Zay Flowers BAL WR Windy City Gridiron | 35. Rashee Rice KC WR One Nut McGee | 36. Travis Etienne NO RB Norwich87 | 37. D'Andre Swift CHI RB A Swift kick in the A** | 38. Quinshon Judkins CLE RB Dr Crack | 39. Emeka Egbuka TB WR Kardiac Kids | 40. Bhayshul Tuten JAX RB Who Gibbs a Sh** |
| R5 | 41. Jaylen Waddle DEN WR Who Gibbs a Sh** | 42. Ladd McConkey LAC WR Kardiac Kids | 43. DJ Moore BUF WR Dr Crack | 44. Tyler Warren IND TE A Swift kick in the A** | 45. Colston Loveland CHI TE Norwich87 | 46. Tetairoa McMillan CAR WR One Nut McGee | 47. Lamar Jackson BAL QB Windy City Gridiron | 48. Drake Maye NE QB All Hits No Misses | 49. Tee Higgins CIN WR I Swear To Goedert | 50. Davante Adams LAR WR I Want Sprinkles |
| R6 | 51. Joe Burrow CIN QB I Want Sprinkles | 52. Jameson Williams DET WR I Swear To Goedert | 53. David Montgomery HOU RB All Hits No Misses | 54. Jadarian Price SEA RB Windy City Gridiron | 55. Jayden Daniels WSH QB One Nut McGee | 56. Terry McLaurin WSH WR Norwich87 | 57. Luther Burden III CHI WR A Swift kick in the A** | 58. Bucky Irving TB RB Dr Crack | 59. Rome Odunze CHI WR Kardiac Kids | 60. Rhamondre Stevenson NE RB Who Gibbs a Sh** |
| R7 | 61. Kyle Pitts ATL TE Who Gibbs a Sh** | 62. Christian Watson GB WR Kardiac Kids | 63. Jalen Hurts PHI QB Dr Crack | 64. Jaylen Warren PIT RB A Swift kick in the A** | 65. Cam Skattebo NYG RB Norwich87 | 66. Harold Fannin CLE TE One Nut McGee | 67. Parker Washington JAX WR Windy City Gridiron | 68. George Kittle SF TE All Hits No Misses | 69. Marvin Harrison Jr. HOU WR I Swear To Goedert | 70. Carnell Tate TEN WR I Want Sprinkles |
| R8 | 71. Mike Evans SF WR I Want Sprinkles | 72. Dallas Goedert PHI TE I Swear To Goedert | 73. MarShawn Lloyd GB RB All Hits No Misses | 74. Blake Corum LAR RB Windy City Gridiron | 75. TreVeyon Henderson NE RB One Nut McGee | 76. Patrick Mahomes KC QB Norwich87 | 77. Justin Herbert LAC QB A Swift kick in the A** | 78. DK Metcalf PIT WR Dr Crack | 79. Bo Nix DEN QB Kardiac Kids | 80. Dak Prescott DAL QB Who Gibbs a Sh** |
| R9 | 81. Sam LaPorta DET TE Who Gibbs a Sh** | 82. Tony Pollard TEN RB Kardiac Kids | 83. Michael Pittman PIT WR Dr Crack | 84. Josh Jacobs GB RB A Swift kick in the A** | 85. Texans D/ST Norwich87 | 86. Courtland Sutton DEN WR One Nut McGee | 87. Brian Thomas Jr. JAX WR Windy City Gridiron | 88. Tucker Kraft GB TE All Hits No Misses | 89. Matthew Stafford LAR QB I Swear To Goedert | 90. Alec Pierce IND WR I Want Sprinkles |
| R10 | 91. Chuba Hubbard CAR RB I Want Sprinkles | 92. Jake Ferguson DAL TE I Swear To Goedert | 93. Michael Wilson ARI WR All Hits No Misses | 94. Travis Kelce KC TE Windy City Gridiron | 95. Kenny Gainwell TB RB One Nut McGee | 96. Cam Little JAX K Norwich87 | 97. Wan'Dale Robinson TEN WR A Swift kick in the A** | 98. J.K. Dobbins DEN RB Dr Crack | 99. Brandon Aubrey DAL K Kardiac Kids | 100. Chris Godwin TB WR Who Gibbs a Sh** |
| R11 | 101. De'Zhaun Stribling SF WR Who Gibbs a Sh** | 102. Rams D/ST Kardiac Kids | 103. Rico Dowdle PIT RB Dr Crack | 104. Caleb Williams CHI QB A Swift kick in the A** | 105. Stefon Diggs WSH WR Norwich87 | 106. Jaxson Dart NYG QB One Nut McGee | 107. RJ Harvey DEN RB Windy City Gridiron | 108. Trevor Lawrence JAX QB All Hits No Misses | 109. Matthew Golden GB WR I Swear To Goedert | 110. Jonathon Brooks CAR RB I Want Sprinkles |
| R12 | 111. Isaiah Likely NYG TE I Want Sprinkles | 112. Broncos D/ST I Swear To Goedert | 113. Quentin Johnston LAC WR All Hits No Misses | 114. Mike Washington Jr. LV RB Windy City Gridiron | 115. Jakobi Meyers JAX WR One Nut McGee | 116. Aaron Jones MIN RB Norwich87 | 117. Seahawks D/ST A Swift kick in the A** | 118. Jordan Addison MIN WR Dr Crack | 119. Dylan Sampson CLE RB Kardiac Kids | 120. Zach Charbonnet SEA RB Who Gibbs a Sh** |
| R13 | 121. Jordan Mason MIN RB Who Gibbs a Sh** | 122. Pat Freiermuth PIT TE Kardiac Kids | 123. Josh Downs IND WR Dr Crack | 124. Jacory Croskey-Merritt WSH RB A Swift kick in the A** | 125. Mark Andrews BAL TE Norwich87 | 126. Brock Purdy SF QB One Nut McGee | 127. KC Concepcion CLE WR Windy City Gridiron | 128. Steelers D/ST All Hits No Misses | 129. Kyle Monangai CHI RB I Swear To Goedert | 130. Malik Willis MIA QB I Want Sprinkles |
| R14 | 131. Dalton Kincaid BUF TE I Want Sprinkles | 132. Jordan Love GB QB I Swear To Goedert | 133. Cameron Dicker LAC K All Hits No Misses | 134. Kaelon Black SF RB Windy City Gridiron | 135. Rachaad White WSH RB One Nut McGee | 136. Tyjae Spears TEN RB Norwich87 | 137. Juwan Johnson NO TE A Swift kick in the A** | 138. Jayden Reed GB WR Dr Crack | 139. Kyler Murray MIN QB Kardiac Kids | 140. Baker Mayfield TB QB Who Gibbs a Sh** |
| R15 | 141. Woody Marks HOU RB Who Gibbs a Sh** | 142. Khalil Shakir BUF WR Kardiac Kids | 143. Tyler Allgeier ARI RB Dr Crack | 144. Jason Myers SEA K A Swift kick in the A** | 145. Romeo Doubs NE WR Norwich87 | 146. Makai Lemon PHI WR One Nut McGee | 147. Jared Goff DET QB Windy City Gridiron | 148. Chris Rodriguez Jr. JAX RB All Hits No Misses | 149. Xavier Worthy KC WR I Swear To Goedert | 150. Jalen Coker CAR WR I Want Sprinkles |
| R16 | 151. Ravens D/ST I Want Sprinkles | 152. Jonah Coleman DEN RB I Swear To Goedert | 153. Deebo Samuel SF WR All Hits No Misses | 154. Jaguars D/ST Windy City Gridiron | 155. Eagles D/ST One Nut McGee | 156. Ka'imi Fairbairn HOU K Norwich87 | 157. Chargers D/ST A Swift kick in the A** | 158. Lions D/ST Dr Crack | 159. Brian Robinson Jr. ATL RB Kardiac Kids | 160. Harrison Mevis FA K Who Gibbs a Sh** |
| R17 | 161. Buccaneers D/ST Who Gibbs a Sh** | 162. Denzel Boston CLE WR Kardiac Kids | 163. Eddy Pineiro SF K Dr Crack | 164. Caleb Douglas MIA WR A Swift kick in the A** | 165. Jalen McMillan TB WR Norwich87 | 166. Harrison Butker KC K One Nut McGee | 167. Tyler Loop BAL K Windy City Gridiron | 168. Tre Tucker LV WR All Hits No Misses | 169. Jake Bates DET K I Swear To Goedert | 170. Cairo Santos CHI K I Want Sprinkles |